or how such a title set the internet on fire today

I read this piece of crap today (and its much more satisfying reply) and all I could think of is ‘fuck off’. I don’t normally swear much but every single click on that countdown made me say that.

I then read the response to it and I went ‘fuck yeah’…more swearing, really? Yeah.

Then I had to make an admission to myself, which I have decided to share here.

I have done this. Not publicly of course but I have sometimes commented on the ‘wrongness’ of what some other woman (it’s always another woman) was wearing: too revealing, too young, too old, too bold, too see-through, blah blah…and now after reading both and since I have been following the most excellent podcasts from www.guiltyfeminist.com, I realise how bad I have been.

Seeing it in print as ‘don’t’ list made my hackles stand up. How dare she tell me what I can and cannot wear? Yet in the privacy of my own life I would make those exact same judgement calls on others…what a hypocrite I have been.

I will try to be a better person, a more tolerant and open one.

yes, you read right!

It might not be Friday for you, but it is for me as tomorrow, I have the day off!!! Woohoo… and I am not sorry.

It’s my birthday on Sunday and it’s the first time I am not looking forward to it. I have always celebrated my birthday whether with a big party (for the big’uns) or at least a pub lunch and  few nights drinking.

Not this year. I am a little blue about turning 42 (eek!) and not really in the mood to try to coordinate all my friends’ kids nap time. So instead, as I had some carry over holiday days, I have booked Friday off. I got given some beauty voucher which I could redeem for a massage at a local salon at Christmas, so I have booked myself for a 1h30 aromatherapy oil massage in the afternoon.

I have offered my DIY services to a friend on Saturday and I am letting another friend take me to brunch at Browns on Sunday…Now that I think of it, sounds a little bit like I am celebrating my birthday…just not how I normally do🙂

So if today is also your Friday, TGIF my friend…if not, well don’t look too much at my #smugface and see you on the other side.


A few months ago, I read an article or a blog post (I can’t remember which) that explained that if you are a side sleeper (like me), you should absolutely avoid sleeping on a spring mattress as it puts pressure on the hips and shoulders.

Guess what I have been sleeping on for most of my life?

Granted, I have only become a side sleepers in my later years. I don’t really remember when I switch from sleeping on my back or front (I used to flip around like a crepe) to my side. Probably around the time that I started to snore a little too manly when on my back. Yet, I never changed my mattress type.

I always thought that foam mattresses would be too soft and would hurt my back more (I have slight curvature of the spine) and always chose to sleep on rather firm (limit hard) mats.

A bulb went on in my head when I read that article as I had been experiencing some discomfort on my hips at night but put it to the decline of my skeleton strength thanks to the cancer medication, which is one of the biggest side effect you can find when dealing with something like that…a side effect no one tells you about: the inability to decide if something is related to the disease and/or medication; or something unrelated.

So, as once an idea is in my head and I had already decided I needed to upgrade my mattress as I had mine for over 8 years, I started looking into getting a memory foam one.

When you search memory foam mattresses, the first thing that comes to mind and Google is Tempur. Being January sales, I thought, what the heck, let’s check them out. I nearly spat my coffee out. £1500 for the bottom of the range, on sale?!! No way I could afford or justify spending this much on a mattress. Surely, there had to be a more affordable alternative.

This is when the internet is your friend. I remembered an ad that kept popping up on my Facebook page for a memory foam mattress brand called Eve.  At a third of the price, I was intrigued. I read their blurb and checked the reviews and came across a website/blog called Sleepolis. The man seems obsessed with reviewing mattresses but it served my purpose as he had a post where he compared the Eve mattress to another brand called Leesa.

I hadn’t come across Leesa brand so I checked them out and ended up buying my new mattress from them.

It took a few days before I got notification it was shipped as ordered in New Years Day and we had some little shipping issues thanks to UPS being a little bit difficult but it was quite exciting when my neighbour texted me to tell me it had arrived!

It came neatly vacuum sealed and boxed up but it was still 26 kg so J had to help me carry it up the steps. I had to leave it boxed up for the week as I had read that there was a smell to it when you first unpacked it and it was better to leave to fluff up for about 6 hours before using it and we were Monday.

I wrestled with my old mattress to the great panic of Basil the cat and managed to get it out of the house and ready for collection by the Council all by myself. Setting the Leesa was a lot easier and to my great joy, it didn’t smell bad at all. I still left it to breathe and expand the whole of Saturday and was a little excited to go to bed that night – I know, I am sad.

I am glad I also read that it can take a few nights to get used to a memory foam mattress, especially when you have been using a spring one because although my hips enjoyed it, my back didn’t as much when I lay flat. It’s an odd sensation as well as it’s not as bouncy and you can slip off it if you sit on the edge but overall, now that I have been using it for a few days, I rather like how it seems to envelope me and moulds to my body. My back is getting used to it. Now I just have to change my bed frame or at least get a proper slat support as I have metal bars instead and that might not be ideal.

Overall, I am quite happy with my purchase. Leesa were really responsive when I was worrying about the shipment and they gave me a £30 Amazon voucher too…!

We are obsessed with *new* everything when a new year starts.

New resolutions, new wardrobe, new fridge…oh wait, that’s just me🙂

I am however, very happy to report to on the health front, for me at the moment it’s same old. I did not start the year in hospital, which is always a bonus. I feel just as I did before, except for the annoying cold I caught over Christmas break and the fact that I am about to turn a year older.

I stil have to take my medication, I still have to get scans every 3 months but I can live with that…and hopefully for a very long time.

So, without blabbering on for too long, I wish you all a happy, healthy New Year 2016! The rest is just gravy as they say!

I received an email from someone from a website called http://www.healthline.com as she had read some of my posts and wanted me to share one of theirs on some of the effects of chemotherapy on the body.

This email reminded me that it had been a very long time since I had posted any updates. Funny how when things are going well I don’t feel the need to share it as much. I apologise for that as most people who read other ‘cancer’ blogs could probably do with good, positive posts.

So before I share with you the not so happy post about some of the most dreadful side effect of chemotherapy, I want to tell you all that despite the fact that I am not curable (at this point in medicine development) I am doing really well.

Yes, I do have some of those long lasting pesky side effects but the most important is that I am here, I can live my life pretty much just as well as before and the mets that are the reason for why I can’t be cured are kept under control. My quality of life is not worse (and I’d say maybe even better) than someone with diabetes.

I have been doing so well that the doctors have decided that I only need to have a CT scan every 6 months now (next one is due early November) and aside from the pain that I have in my hands and feet, I really don’t think about cancer any more than before…well I do a little because there are ads about it everywhere but it feels like something that happened in another life.

I moved on. I bought my first flat, I filled it with things I love, learned to DIY few bits, I am getting my bathroom redone (something that my budding DIY skills can’t cope with) and I got myself a kitten – I am totally smitten by the little guy, Basil.

Work is ok. I enjoy it whilst I am in the office and don’t think about it when I am home. When I got sick I realise that I didn’t really want to put more energy and effort in trying to compete in the rat race so I am quite happy to plod along. I am making enough money to live well without worrying about end of month.

My love life is still inexistant but I don’t mind. I sometimes miss having someone to hang out with at the weekend or to travel with but otherwise my friends, family and the cat are keeping me loved up. I don’t have the energy to go looking for love so unless it comes knocking on my door, I’ll be the catwoman and be content with it.

Not having any children is not so hard, especially when I hear how tired my friends are constantly. I get to be the cool aunty who has fun with them, give them cool presents and then gets to go home to cuddle with the cat and a glass of wine…not so bad after all.

There is life after cancer…there is even life with cancer and that’s important for anyone affected by cancer to know. It’s not all roses but it’s manageable.

Now as promised, if you want to know what other side effect you can ‘look forward’ to after (or during) chemotherapy, check out this post


I personally suffer a few of them actually which could also be side effects from the medication I have to take (for the rest of my life) to keep it at bay:

  • Fertility
  • Menopause
  • Swollen hands and feet
  • Osteopenia (lower bone density)
  • loss of hair (whilst on chemo, now it’s all back and better than before!)
  • Nails (mine went yellow and started to come unstuck…yuck)
  • Mouth sores (went after I stopped)
  • Tiredness

Those I never got: loss of appetite, depression, bladder issues, nausea (except for once)… I am sure there are some other effects that come more ‘tailored’ to who is getting it depending on their actual health and whether or not they have other problems… It is a sad thing that the drugs you have to take to save your life can screw up your body more.

Now, to dampen this depressive discussion… here is Basil🙂



Time is flying by as I live my life trying not to think about cancer and thankfully, as the medication is doing it’s job, I don’t have to think about it too much.

My oncology team decided back in October 2014 that they wanted to check me up every 3 months instead of 6. Nothing scary they said, just to be on the safe side. I have never been looked after and checked on so much. Now I get a CT scan of the chest and pelvic area every 3 months and add to that a visit with the Haematology specialist also every 3 months and it would be hard for anything to slip by. Anyway, my last check up was early Feb and the Oncology registrar had a massive grin on her face. Now, that’s always a much better welcome than that grim, serious face they have to put on to tell you the news aren’t so good. Amazing what power a smile from your doctor has in lifting the rock in your stomach. Although I have been feeling fine, I still get nervous when I go to have my test results. Apart from the PE (pulmonary embolism) incident, I have never really felt ill so feeling fine is not always telling.
Right in she told me it was good news. Excellent news even, as most of the lesions on my lungs have disappeared and the couple that are still visible on the scan, they had to really look for them to find them! I was told before that I am not curable so I have to remain on my treatment for the rest of my life but it is so good to know that the treatment is working! To everyone out there who are still struggling or who have been given the scary news that your breast cancer is back or that you have mets…it’s definitely not the end. I met a woman in the waiting room and hers had gone to her spine. She was on the same treatment as me and had for the last 6 years and was doing great.

So I am feeling pretty upbeat and relaxed and happy. Life is good.

I know, I know…we are well into January and I should have done this earlier.

The truth is, as last year didn’t particularly start well (I was hospitalised first weekend of Jan), I wanted to wait to make sure all was well in the world.

Although, all is not entirely well in the world – the vicious attacks in Paris early this month made me blue – all is well in my world…Selfish I know but hey, I have had my share of drama. I’d be happy for a drama free year thanks.

I am all moved in my new flat, my last scan was tip top, I had a great Christmas and New Year and I have stayed clear of hospitals and emergency rooms so far…

I hope the rest of the year will follow on this good start and for you, wherever you may be, it will be a happy, stress free and healthy year too…So here’s to you and those who matter to you…

Happy New Year 2015


Me and Minion Dave celebrating NYE in France