On Monday 31st December I had my second session of chemotherapy.

Last time I had chemo, I had a really strong reaction to both the chemo drug and the immune system booster giving massive growing pains all over my body for about 3 days. I felt like an old arthritic woman and it really did give me an insight on the pains of growing old and having your body betray you…I had never experienced such pain and there was nothing I could do to take it away. I only had basic pain killers which didn’t do anything and no position I could take was comfortable. Originally I thought it was only the result of the injection I had to give myself 24hrs after the chemo (to boost the immune system) but at my last clinic appointment (which I have to have before the next chemo can be scheduled, to be sure I am still ok) I was told that one of the chemo drug I am on “taxo-something” also has bone and joint pains associated with it so I got double whammy of it! Because of the reaction I had the first time, this time, the oncologist gave me stronger pain killers – their aim is not for me to suffer as she said and they have the counter-effect to help but they can’t give them before they know what effect the patient will feel as each individual reacts differently. The new painkillers are codeine based so I was really planning only taking them if the pain became unbearable…by nature, I don’t like taking too many drugs (even painkillers) as I always worry that I’ll get used to them and codeine based drugs are addictive so I was going to be cautious with them…Last time, the effect started on day 3 after the chemo (the day after the shot) and the most painful were day 4 and 5.

Today is day 4 and the pain is quite bearable. I mean I feel some spasm and aches but nothing within the intensity of the first time around and all I have taken so far is paracetamol in the evening just so it wouldn’t wake me up. It seems that my body has already adapted…

I currently have a strange relationship with said body…on the one hand, I feel a little betrayed by it because it sprouted this cancer I wasn’t expecting but on the other hand, it is this amazing machine which is coping so well with the treatment that I am not feeling as bad as some people may think. Yes, I lost my beautiful long hair, but I look like I could kick your ass in a dark alley now (not that I actually would be able to!) so I don’t feel too upset and there was always a part of me who wondered what I would look like with a shaved head but I would never have had the guts to do it…Life is funny this way.