* life is a long, quiet river (literal translation and title of a French movie)

That’s how my life feels lately. A little quiet and dull. I probably should enjoy it as the last time I got some excitement in it, I ended up losing my hair! However, I am a naturally active person and I need action and August is ticking along slowly.

I am halfway through my radiotherapy treatments and had my first review yesterday. All is going according to plan. My right boob is the right shade of pink, the additional freckles are normal and although I had a little worry on Monday because I felt flu-ish. I was back to normal on Tuesday after going to bed earlier. Turns out, I was just tired.

After a few weeks on Tamoxifen, the hot flashes and insomnia had settled but although the hot flashes are now few and far between, it seems that insomnia is kick starting again. Every night I wake up around 3am, usually because I need the loo (sorry), and then it takes me ages to go back to sleep. Lots of random thoughts swirl in my head and I can’t get my brain to shut down again…when morning comes, and with it the wake up alarm, I find it hard to get out of bed…I could do with an extra hour and before you go and say you feel like that all the time, this is unusual for me as I am normally a morning person. I usually hit the ground running in the morning. Still it could be a lot worse I am sure.

Lately, I have been feeling quite relieved that I am single as well. Thanks to the Tamoxifen my libido is my socks and with radiotherapy my right boob, especially the nipple is quite soar, so the last thing I’d want to have to deal with is a horny boyfriend 🙂 And because of the insomnia, I toss and turn a lot through the night so I love that I have the bed to myself. I am not sure how the ladies with partners cope but that a stress I don’t have to deal with at least. That’s not to say that when this is all behind me I wouldn’t want the opportunity for a relationship but right now, I don’t have the energy and I hardly feel at my sexiest too.

So the days go by, samey-samey, but I suppose I should be grateful for that. It’s just hard to get motivated for anything.

(Photo: River in Thailand, taken by me whilst bamboo rafting in the Kanchanaburi area in 2007 – Copyright  © 2007 Chymeera)

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