Today I am getting my results from my last CT.

Today I will know if the last six months of new meds have done their job.

Today, for the first time since I have started this roller-coaster of tests and treatments, I am scared.

I am scared that the results won’t be good. I am scared that I will have to start chemo again. I am scared that I will lose control of what is happening to my body again.

I am scared that I won’t be strong enough to deal with it if it’s not a happy news.

I am scared that my life will become again a whirlwind of doctors appointments, blood tests and nurses with a grudge against my tiny, deep veins.

So maybe today, I will finally get some good news… Until tomorrow…